As our aging parents start needing more support, it’s natural to be concerned about their ability to live alone safely. You may have noticed that one or both of your parents are struggling with certain tasks, but it can be hard for them to acknowledge it. After all, they’ve spent a lifetime looking after themselves.
Talking about your parents’ living situation can often be an emotional and stressful experience for both you and them, and it’s important to approach the conversation with kindness and empathy.
In this blog, we’ll discuss why and how to talk to your parents about assisted living, including a few practical tips for making the discussion meaningful.
Why Talking to Parents About Assisted Living Is Important
Talking about assisted living with an aging parent can be tough for many adult children. It’s natural to worry about upsetting your loved one or making them feel like they’re losing control over their life. However, it’s always a good idea to have this conversation early while your family member is still able to clearly communicate their wishes.
Being proactive about talking to a parent about assisted living can help you avoid legal complications when it’s time to make decisions about your loved one’s care in the future. Furthermore, discussing future plans with your parents can reduce the likelihood of family disputes or disagreements when decisions need to be made quickly, like during an emergency health situation.
Talking about assisted living with a parent can also help them warm up to the idea of moving to a new community. Some seniors might see the transition into an assisted living community as a loss of independence, which can make them feel angry or frustrated. Acknowledge their concerns, and let them know that it’s okay to feel this way and that you understand their fear of losing independence. Gently explain to them how they’ll actually benefit from an assisted living community.
Tips for How to Talk to Your Parents About Assisted Living
Having a conversation about assisted living with your loved ones can be challenging, and it’s perfectly normal to feel unsure about how to approach this difficult discussion. By preparing effectively, everyone can feel heard and understood. Here are some tips to help guide you through the conversation:
Preparing for the Discussion
The first step in talking to a parent about assisted living is getting yourself ready for the discussion.
Taking the time to become prepared helps you approach the topic with care and understanding. Let’s explore some steps that can help you feel ready:
Gather Observations and Concerns
Before initiating the discussion, make a note of the tasks your parent might need help with. For instance, are they struggling with activities of daily living (ADLs), like eating, dressing, or managing medications? Do they seem more forgetful or have difficulty getting around? Writing down these observations can help you get a clear picture of your loved one’s needs.
Research Available Options
Knowing about available senior living options can help you choose the support that best suits your loved one’s specific needs and situation. Research different options in your area and ask questions you might have, like what support services they offer and what the costs might be.
If possible, visit a few communities with your loved one. This will give them an opportunity to get a feel of the atmosphere and get more comfortable with the idea. Gently reassure them that you’re suggesting the move because you genuinely want what’s best for them.
You might also want to consult with professionals like geriatric care managers or elder law attorneys. They can offer valuable advice and help you understand the key legal and financial aspects of moving into an assisted living community.
Involve Other Family Members
Figuring out how to talk to parents about assisted living can be stressful, and you don’t have to do it alone. Consider involving other siblings or close family members in the discussion. Ask them what they feel about your loved one’s situation, and encourage everyone to present their ideas and perspectives. Bringing everyone into the conversation can also help prevent potential family disagreements in the future.
Choose the Right Time and Place
This conversation can be just as tough for your loved one as it is for you, so it’s important to choose the right time and place. When considering how to talk to parents about assisted living, it’s crucial to ensure that your parent feels at ease and open to the discussion. Make sure the environment is quiet and comfortable, where you both can talk without distractions.
If they still seem reluctant or hesitant, it’s important not to push the idea too hard. Instead, approach the discussion with empathy and remind them that you’re suggesting this because you’re concerned about their safety and comfort.
Conversation Tips
It’s easy for emotions to run high when talking to your aging parents about assisted living. This experience can be challenging for everyone involved, and it’s important to remain calm and respectful throughout the conversation.
Here are some practical tips on how to talk to aging parents about assisted living:
Maintain Empathy Throughout the Discussion
Talking to your parents about assisted living can be a difficult experience for everyone involved, and emotions can easily get in the way. Support your loved one by reassuring them that you understand how important their independence is and that you’re there for them. Stay calm and respectful, even if the conversation gets tense.
If your parent is still unwilling to discuss it, avoid arguing or raising your voice. Instead, gently remind them of how important their well-being is to everyone involved and how assisted living can provide the support they need.
Respect Their Independence
Just like everyone else, your parents value their independence, and this can make the conversation about assisted living even more sensitive. It’s crucial to respect your loved ones wishes and avoid having any expectations about their decision. Let them know that their feelings matter and that they have an important role in making the decision. If they’re still reluctant, that’s okay. Instead of pushing them, remind them that you’re having this conversation because you want them to be happy and healthy.
Listen Actively and Respect Their Opinion
Listen carefully to your parent’s concerns and feelings, giving them space to talk without interrupting. Being an active listener can help your loved one feel heard and valued. If disagreements arise during the discussion, remain calm, patient, and respectful. Let them know that you value and respect their opinion and that you want to involve them in every decision possible.
Be Patient and Remain Calm
It’s easy to become frustrated or upset if the conversation doesn’t go as planned. Please understand that this is a big decision for both you and your parent and that it may take time for them to accept that assisted living is the best option for them. If the conversation is unsuccessful the first time, don’t give up hope. Be patient with your loved one and reassure them of your support.
Revisit the Discussion as Needed
It may take multiple conversations to convince your loved one that an assisted living community is the best choice for them. Give them time to think about everything you’ve discussed, and keep the door open for future talks. Let them know that they don’t need to make any decisions right away and that you’re there to talk whenever they’re most comfortable.
Things to Avoid
The tips we discussed above can help you feel more confident about how to talk to parents about assisted living. However, it’s also important to be mindful of certain things to avoid during the conversation, particularly when disagreeing with your loved one.
Here are a few key things to avoid:
Raising Your Voice
When emotions run high, it can be tempting to raise your voice, especially if you feel frustrated or unheard. However, raising your voice can make the situation more tense and may make your loved one even less cooperative. Maintaining a calm and reassuring voice can help your loved one feel more comfortable voicing their thoughts and concerns.
Rushing Them to Give an Opinion
We naturally want what’s best for our parents, and it’s normal to want answers right away. However, moving into an assisted living community is a big decision, and your loved one may not have the answers right away. Give them space and time to process the information without requiring an immediate response. Rushing your parent to make a decision may make them feel pressured and anxious.
Information Overload
Long conversations, especially about complex topics like this, can be tiring for older adults. Avoid overwhelming your parent with a lot of details all at once. If needed, break up the conversation into multiple smaller discussions.
Using Guilt or Fear-Based Language
Using guilt or fear to try to sway your parent’s decision will only add more stress and resistance. Instead, gently explain to them the benefits of moving to an assisted living community for them and everyone involved.
Conversation Starters
Starting the conversation about assisted living is often the hardest part for many adult children, and it’s understandable to feel uncertain about how to begin.
Here are a few thoughtful ideas to help you get started:
- How are you feeling about your current living situation?
- What do you think about having a little extra help with ______ ?
- Is there anything you’ve been finding difficult to manage around the house?
- I’ve noticed you’ve had a hard time with ______. How are you feeling about it?
- Have you thought about what kind of support might be helpful for you in the coming years?
- What would make you feel more comfortable if you were to move to a new place?
- What do you enjoy most about your current living situation? What would you miss if you moved somewhere else?
- I’m concerned about ______. Do you feel like ______ is the best option for you?
- What would a place that feels comfortable and safe look like for you?
- Would you like me to help you explore available options for support, like ______?
- How would you like to stay involved in decisions about your living situation?
- What would make the idea of moving to assisted living more comfortable for you?
- What are some of the things that would make you feel more at ease with getting the support you need?
StoryPoint Group Is Here for You and Your Loved One
At StoryPoint Group communities, we understand the tough challenges that families go through in finding the best support for their loved ones. You’re not alone. We’re here to help guide you and your family member every step of the way.
If someone you love could benefit from assisted living or a different support service, please give us a call today at 1-844-275-9990 or schedule a tour of a StoryPoint Group community near your location. We look forward to talking with you.
